Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Musings on motherhood

My sweet little baby Cory transformed me from a self-centered being, into a mother on a mission to love and raise her child as God would have her do. I still struggle with this new identity at times and often feel as though I'm failing on many fronts, but motherhood has no doubt been the best blessing of my life. That little baby who totally changed my life, will be four years old tomorrow. I can totally say the contradictory cliches that it feels like just yesterday I brought him home from the hospital and it feels like he's always been a part of my life. Both feel true. He is such an amazing person. He is so bright, and that exhausts me. His imagination and creativity are inspiring. It's not surprising that I had a hard time deciding what to do for his birthday. Kevin and I want to give him everything his little heart desires. Obviously that is not possible or even sensible. We're doing a very simple, low budget party tomorrow. He'll think the simple gifts he'll open are his only presents from us. They will make him happy in the moment. What he won't realize is that the present I want to give him, is to be a better mother. I want to more fully align my will with God's. I want to more fully sacrifice my selfish desires. I guess I should start by getting off of this computer and focusing on him. :)

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